|
 |
Testimonies
BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME FIRST
“Because you loved me first, because you have shown me such mercy...” I woke up with a start and stirred in the darkness. “...because you have quenched my thirst and wiped away my tears...” The music wasn't loud, I could barely hear it. But where did it come from?
I got up carefully from bed and gripped my crutches so I could walk to the living room to turn off the stereo. But when my feet touched the floor everything went quiet again. It was dark and the stereo wasn’t on. “It was just a dream”, I thought before getting back into bed. I fell asleep again. “Because you have quenched my thirst and wiped away my tears, I will love you Jesus with all that I have...” again I was wakened with a start by music that I could really hear. “Can you hear it? Do you hear the music?” I shook my husband, who was sleeping next to me, gently. He opened his eyes a little, and managed to say that he didn’t hear anything, before turning over and falling asleep again. “….I want to love you Jesus, with all that I have. With life and with laughter, with song and the guitar…” This beautiful song by Jan Honningdal continued. I walked into the living room once more to turn off the stereo, only to find it turned off already. I went to bed again and just listened, for a long time. The song kept repeating itself, time after time. I felt a strange presence in the room.
We had gone through some tough times lately. After being chronically ill, and disabled with pelvic girdle pain for about 2 years, I had begun to suffer panic attacks. According to my doctor it was a natural part of accepting that I was sick and would be for many years to come. I had to somehow understand that I would probably have to learn to live with a lot of pain and the frustration of not being able to walk properly. In a way it was a process of grief related to everything I had lost: my dreams and also my children’s upbringing.
Tears warmed my cheeks. I listened to the song, which must have been sung by angels, contemplatively. “Because you have loved me first, because you have shown me mercy. Because you have quenched my thirst and wiped away my tears...” and I suddenly saw pieces of my life like a movie, playing in my mind. And in the midst of that I saw God's care. He had been there all the time. He was there and He loved me.
There were no more panic attacks after that. My loving Heavenly Father came in the darkness of the night and used a beautiful song to heal my heart. It took over a year before God healed me completely of the pelvic girdle pain. Then I was able to call the health centre and ask them to pick up all the medical equipment I had filled my house with, including a wheelchair. I also rang the social security office and cancelled the disability allowance that I had been allocated. All this because God had loved me first and shown me such beautiful mercy, that I could get a part of what Jesus did on Calvary, where He died for all my sins and sickness. Just because He loved me.
|
 |
|
